Just a thought
Sometimes part of our dilemma, a huge part, is that we live a double life. We are all hypocrites to some degree, but those are usually in the little things that we can cast aside as insignificant. For the big things, however, like acting like a Witness when deep inside you are not, well, those things are different. They plague you, like an itch you simply can't scratch. And, they eat at you, gnawing subconsciously at your self-esteem and respect. To be an elder while inside you are an apostate (which anyone on this site could readily be considered), has got to be one of the most difficult to ignore. It's like cheating on your wife with her best friend and seeing her best friend all the time, and knowing, yeah, knowing that someday she will find out or you will tell her. The agony will make you crazy, and this, unfortunately, may cause you to do something more drastic than simply stepping down. It may well move you to publicly denounce yourself and position causing irrevocable damage, not to mention the collateral damage your family will endure.
Take it from someone who stepped down some time ago, knowing the inside scoop was simply not enough reason to remain serving. It may be for you...only you can decide.